Allegory of the Club
by DKM
Summary: Parody of Socrates Allegory of the Cave written for my mythology class last year. Please read, enjoy, and review.


Allegory of the Club  
Parody of Socrates "Allegory of the Cave" 

Friday evening, three hours after a large drug bust had gone almost exactly as planned, Officer Van Ray and his partner, Detective Deaq Hayes, had made their way to a quaint little bar on LA's Sunset Strip, ready to take their minds off the case once and for all. Amid the aimless chatter, one strange conversation would stick out in their minds as the evening slowly drew to a close. It all started when Van made a comment about reading in high school and how much he had hated it.

"Have you ever read any of the classics?" Deaq turned to Van and asked.

"Classics meaning twentieth century or classics meaning so old they can't really put a date to them?" Van replied, holding up his fourth glass of beer and looking at it without paying much attention to his partner.

"Classics meaning stuff from the Greeks and Romans and Billy Shakespeare."

"Ah, so the ones that nobody can put a date on." Van took a big swig of his beer and continued, "Enlighten me, my friend. We've got all night, and an endless amount of alcohol. Maybe I'll learn something."

"You mean you've never read Homer or Plato or Socrates?" Deaq questioned, giving his friend a disbelieving look. "Not even in high school?"

"Well, high school yeah, but it's not like I understood anything. It's not like I paid attention either," Van answered, wondering why his partner was trying to teach him philosophy this late at night. "What was up with that stuff? I read The Odyssey, I read Hamlet, and I read The Republic, but I could never understand what they were about. What the hell is an allegory anyway?"

"An allegory is…" Deaq became quiet for a second, trying to figure out how to put the definition in terms that Van would understand. He knew his partner had a simple mind, even though at times he would prove that he was actually much smarter. "An allegory is a work in which the characters and events are to be understood as representing other things and symbolically expressing a deeper, often spiritual, moral, or political meaning."

"So basically what you're saying is that an allegory is an extended metaphor," Van summed it up quite easily.

"You are smarter than you look," Deaq quipped.

"Shut up," Van retorted. "I'm not stupid."

"I didn't mean it that way. I know you're not stupid, you're just ignorant."

"Don't go calling me ignorant! I'm not ignorant! It's my teacher's fault I didn't learn anything. She didn't know how to teach!"

"Alright, I'm sorry," Deaq apologized. 

A long period of silence passed between them until Van finally spoke up and asked, "What's the meaning behind 'Allegory of the Cave" anyway?" That was the one thing that his mind couldn't grasp. It had been bothering him ever since he had gotten out of high school, probably because his teacher had explained it so horribly. He knew there was a deeper meaning to the story, but what he didn't know.

"Hmm… 'Allegory of the Cave…' How can I put that in terms you would be able to understand?" Deaq thought aloud. Van glared at him. "Alright, imagine you've been stuck at the same dark club for your entire life sitting in the same chair at the same table and never allowed to get up. There's only one door that leads outsides, and that door is locked but the windows are open letting just a tad bit of light shine in. You have a very small field of view because you're turned to a wall. It's basically strobe lights, black lights, and smoke. All you see is darkness or the flash of objects."

"What about the people?"

"You might hear them, but their voices are nothing but echoes off the wall."

Van nodded his head but still said, "I don't think I could stay at that same club for my entire life."

"Shut up, Van. That's not the point," Deaq scolded. "Let me finish my story, okay?"

"Fine, sorry to interrupt. Please continue."

"As I was saying, you've been stuck in this club your entire life. It's all that you know, it's all that you see. You think whatever the flashes of light show you is real. Now, what do you think would happen if someone unlocked the door that led outside and started to shove you towards it?"

Van smirked, "I'd beat the crap out of him." He could see Deaq giving him a harsh look and added, "I'd protest… Then I'd beat the crap out of him."

"Come on, Van, get past all the physical shit and think logically," Deaq chided. "You were on the right path with the protesting. And continuing with that path, as much as you'd like to protest, you'd be pulled off your chair and made to walk on those wobbly chicken legs of yours. Am I right?"

"Well, if I was sitting at the same place for my entire life, yeah. And I don't have chicken legs, so why don't you stop the smart ass comments and continue the damn story?"

"Alright, sorry," Deaq quickly apologized. "Anyway, moving on, your eyes would of course be watering because you've never seen the light of day, but you're too wrapped up in that light that you really can't think about anything else besides getting to it. So you continue to walk towards the light."

Van began to laugh and Deaq looked at him wondering what was so funny. "Walk towards the light," he chuckled, prompting Deaq to grab his cup.

"No more beer!" he scolded. "You wanted a lit lesson, so I'm giving you one, now stop interrupting me!"

"Alright! Don't get your shorts in a twist. I'm listening! Keep going."

"Where was I?"

"I think you were talking about going into the light," Van replied, barely able to stifle a laugh.

Deaq gave him a murderous look and he quickly stopped. "Anyway, as I was saying, you're walking towards the light, your eyes are really hurting, and your entire body aches from having to walk all the way to the door. When you get outside, you finally see everything clearly. There are real people walking about, and real things everywhere. And then someone tells you that whatever you saw in the club wasn't real. How would you feel about that?"

"I'd say the person was nuts," Van answered truthfully even though he was a bit intoxicated. "Then I'd run."

"Now you're getting it!" Deaq praised his partner. "Okay, so you've been in the light for some time now adjusting, getting used to what's real and what isn't, getting a much clearer picture of the world. It's all really slow and painful and confusing at first, but you get used to it, then someone suddenly shoves you back into the club."

"That would suck. I'd rather be in the light," Van said.

"I know, so when you went back to your seat in the club, you'd feel sorry for everyone who didn't get to go outside and see the light themselves. But that's not what they're thinking. They start laughing at you because you're the only loser dumb enough to go get your eyes mess up by going outside. But they're also jealous that you got to go outside, and if they could get up from their seats, they'd probably kill you," Deaq finished, folding his hands over the bar in front of him.

"So, what's the point? What's the hidden meaning?" Van asked. He somewhat understood what Deaq had been getting at, but was still a little unclear. 'Probably the alcohol,' Van thought as he looked over at his partner.

"Alright, the club is a metaphor for all that you see. The strobe lights and black lights are the sun, or to put it even more simply, it's what illuminates all that you see. The flashes of the objects are what you think is real. You're basically strapped to what you're told you're seeing. So when you get pulled out of your chair, that journey to the light is reasoning. You're using your mind to see the invisible, so when you get into the real light, you see the truth. Going back to the club symbolizes your descent back into the real world with this new knowledge you possess, which most people don't have and want, which is why they'd like to kill you."

Van slowly nodded, letting everything sink in before he said anything. "So this was all basically a metaphor describing how people get to seeing the truth and what happens to them after they do."

"Well done, Van! You get a gold star!" Deaq exclaimed, trying to hold back his laughter.

Van glared at him, his eyes telling Deaq that he'd kill him if he made another smart comment like that. "If you don't quit it, I will hurt you," he hissed, grabbing his beer again and taking a big swig of it as he stood up from his barstool.

As he made his way towards the door, Deaq yelled, "Hey, get your ass back here! You're too drunk to drive home by yourself." Van merely turned around and gave him the finger, then pushed open the door to the bar and went outside. "He never learns," Deaq mumbled, throwing a wad of cash onto the bar and heading outside to make sure his friend wasn't going to do anything stupid.


End file.
